HERE
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Zoot Suit?
If you Google images for Zoot suit, you'll find more extreme examples of this wacky trend.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
How to treat Grandma
How to treat Grandma
When Grandma visits you, my dears,Be good as you can be;
Don't put hot waffles in her ears,
Or beetles in her tea.
Don't sew a pattern on her cheek
With worsted or with silk;
Don't call her naughty names in Greek,
Or spray her face with milk.
Don't drive a staple in her foot,
Don't stick pins in her head;
And, oh, I beg you, do not put
Live embers in her bed.
These things are not considered kind;
The worry her, and tease -
Such cruelty is not refined
It always fails to please.
Be good to Grandma, little chaps,
Whatever else you do;
And then she'll grow to be - perhaps -
More tolerant of you.
-- Anonymous
I found this HERE
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Cccoffee, anyone?
You Know You Have Had Too Much Coffee When...
*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked
*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
*You sleep with your eyes open
*You have to watch videos in fast-forward
*You lick your coffee pot clean
*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
*You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
*You can jump-start your car without cables
*Your only sources of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
*You don't sweat, you percolate
*You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug
*You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
*You've worn the finish off you coffee table
*The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you
*Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house
*You're so wired you pick up FM radio
*Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans"
*Instant coffee takes too long
*You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can
*You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"
*Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position
*Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup
FROM HERE
Friday, January 14, 2011
That Chicken, Again!
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hard working American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: He crossed to die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
By Digger / June 14, 2008 11:13 PM
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hard working American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: He crossed to die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
By Digger / June 14, 2008 11:13 PM
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Snow joke, man!
.
Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?A. Ice caps.
Q. What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?A. Frost bite!
Q. What did Frosty call his cow?A. Eskimoo!
Q. What do you call a Snowman on roller blades? A. A snowmobile!
Q. What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night?A. Cold cream!
Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?A. Ice caps.
Q. What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?A. Frost bite!
Q. What did Frosty call his cow?A. Eskimoo!
Q. What do you call a Snowman on roller blades? A. A snowmobile!
Q. What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night?A. Cold cream!
A little mean, to laugh.
Got up this morning to see my neighbor had put their trash out. It was snowing and I'm not putting mine out! (See how superior I am?!) Late in the morning I saw their cans basically buried. 'Fraid I laughed, a little.
Poor guy came home early and had to pull them out of the snow. I doubt they'll collect, today!
Is it sympathetic laughter, or that "glad it's not me" feeling that makes us laugh? I suspect, a bit of both.
Poor guy came home early and had to pull them out of the snow. I doubt they'll collect, today!
Is it sympathetic laughter, or that "glad it's not me" feeling that makes us laugh? I suspect, a bit of both.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Whose Kid is That??
A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother covered her face in cold cream. "Why do you do that?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful."
When she began to rub it off, the boy asked, "Why are you doing that? Did you give up?"
A little boy asked his grandmother how old she was.
"39 and holding," she replied.
"Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"
A Sunday School teacher decided to teach her young class the 23rd Psalm. After church, a mother asked her daughter what she learned that day in class. The little girl replied, "The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!"
"To make myself beautiful."
When she began to rub it off, the boy asked, "Why are you doing that? Did you give up?"
A little boy asked his grandmother how old she was.
"39 and holding," she replied.
"Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"
A Sunday School teacher decided to teach her young class the 23rd Psalm. After church, a mother asked her daughter what she learned that day in class. The little girl replied, "The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!"
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Apostrophe!
"I've just had an apostrophe!" - Smee
I'm not trying to be irreverent, at all. What lover of the film can help thinking of this, when reminded that it's Epiphany, today?
I'm not trying to be irreverent, at all. What lover of the film can help thinking of this, when reminded that it's Epiphany, today?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Chokes!
Calendar days are numbered.
What is the world's most popular wine? I don’t like Brussels sprouts.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
What is the world's most popular wine? I don’t like Brussels sprouts.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
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