Oh? Oh?

The opera is a place where when a guy gets stabbed, he doesn't die -- he sings.

Opportunity knocks only once.  Temptation bangs on the door for years.

-MORE OF THE BEST OF MILTON BERLE'S PRIVATE JOKE FILE

Oh Ho!

What is a pigskin used for?

           To hold a pig together.

Why is a helicopter good to take along fishing?

           Because the whirlybird gets the worm.

How did the rocket lose it's job?

          It got fired.

--MORE OF THE BEST OF Milton Berle's PRIVATE JOKE FILE

Oh, Man!

The man who says he can understand women is either a psychiatrist or in need of one.

Even if a man understood women, he still wouldn't believe it.

When Nature designed men's knees, she didn't have walking shorts in mind.

from MORE OF THE BEST OF MILTON BERLE'S PRIVATE JOKE FILE

OLD!

You know you're aging when a cute girl goes by and your Pacemaker makes the garage door go up.

He doesn't have an enemy in the world.  They're all dead.

When you get to be ninety-five, you don't have to worry much about peer pressure.

--from MORE OF THE BEST OF MILTON BERLE'S PRIVATE JOKE FILE

Whose Kid is That??

A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother covered her face in cold cream. "Why do you do that?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful."
When she began to rub it off, the boy asked, "Why are you doing that? Did you give up?"


A little boy asked his grandmother how old she was.
"39 and holding," she replied.
"Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"


A Sunday School teacher decided to teach her young class the 23rd Psalm. After church, a mother asked her daughter what she learned that day in class. The little girl replied, "The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!"

Chokes!

Calendar days are numbered.

What is the world's most popular wine? I don’t like Brussels sprouts.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

Haw Haw Haw!

What nationality is Santa Claus?North Polish
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him
 How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad

Ho ho ho?

What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
Neither, candles always burn shorter!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep and crisp and even!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws! 


Thank you to Activity Village.co.uk

Tee Hee

What do you call an old snowman?
Water!

What goes “oh, oh, oh”?

Santa walking backwards

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name again!

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it!